What You're Already Teaching Them

• What mothers model is more powerful than anything they say

• The inner critic doesn't just live in us; it affects those around us. We can change that.

• Real community helps us show up better at home and at work

Mother's Day is this weekend, and I can’t help but think about what we inherit and what we pass down — including what we share without meaning to. 

Earlier this year, I spoke at the National Charity League Chapter Tea — a room full of 150 mothers and daughters, from seventh graders to high school seniors. At one point, I asked the mothers to raise their hand if they have an inner critic. 

The room got very quiet, and almost every single hand went up. And then I watched their daughters see it. That the women they look up to most — the ones who run companies, lead teams and households, navigate impossible rooms, tasks  and conversations with grace — carry the same self-doubt they do.

I think about that moment often. Because what those daughters witnessed wasn't weakness. It was truth. And truth, it turns out, is one of the most powerful things a mother can model.

There's something I've done since my children were young. Every night, I'd whisper the same thing, quietly, like a ritual: “You can be anything you want to be. You can do anything you want to do.” I have tried to raise them with that type of intentionality, re-programming them and myself with positivity and kindness. 

A while back, my daughter said something to me in the car that I've turned over in my mind many times since. We'd been talking about whether or not she felt listened to and truly heard, and then she said: “Oh Mom, that kind of trauma ends with your generation.” That not only made my day but was incredibly validating in so many respects. 

I believe it’s all made a difference - our children don’t only pick up on what they tell them. When our children see us doubt ourselves and keep going, when they watch us fail and get back up, when they see us be honest about the cost of something instead of pretending it was easy, we’re giving them a gift.

In The Mirror Effect I write about how community functions as a mirror with the potential to reflect a more accurate (and sometimes more generous) picture of who we are. Our children are also our mirrors. And we are theirs. The work we do on ourselves isn't separate from the mothers we're becoming. It is the mothering.

This Mother's Day, I'm celebrating the mothers who are doing the work — and brave enough to let their children see it.

Think about one thing your inner critic says to you that you would never say to your child, your niece, your mentee, or a young person you love. Write it down.

Then write what you'd tell them instead.

Now say that to yourself.

We can break those negative patterns, one whisper at a time.

What’s next?

This month's Substack piece goes deeper into what I've been learning about the intergenerational weight of FIDS — and what it actually looks like to stop carrying patterns forward. If you're a mother navigating the space between the leader you are at work and the woman you are at home, it's for you.

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The Mirror Effect audiobook is now available on Audible—your roadmap for building the life and leadership you actually want in 2026.

Set the intention. Press play. Let's begin.

[Listen now →] The Mirror Effect Audio Book

Have you seen my TEDx talk "Focus on the Mirror, Not the Glass Ceiling"? In it, I explore how finding the right mirrors—people who reflect our potential and validate our experiences—can transform our leadership journey. I'd be honored if you'd watch and share it with others who might benefit from this message.